A poem I wrote the other day, when my heart was so filled with angst that I thought, 'Best thing to do is get it out.'
I don't know what I want to do.
I feel silly
stupid
bad
stuck.
I really want to get my work done.
And WELL.
But I haven't. And it's my own fault.
Can't blame anyone else.
Then there's my stupid thought process -
I get caught up in silly thoughts so easily
I need to control myself better
I need to tell myself I have better things to do than
lose myself in silly thoughts
which lead to bad intentions
and stupid actions
and unthinkable habits.
It's not acceptable.
I wish I were stronger.
I think I'm stagnating
when I need to be progressing -
because without moving forwards, I'll slide backwards.
There is no standing still.
I'm on an escalator going the wrong way
--- People are pulling me down with them
But I need to get UP
I have somewhere to go;
Something to achieve.
But right now those are just words to me.
I need them to mean something.
I need myself to do something.
Most of all, I need Help.
And I can't get that by doing nothing.
I need to struggle to be able to feel ease
and what is ease if you don't know difficulty?
This morning I woke up
too late.
And I wished so much that I hadn't
been stupid enough to think that it was okay
to sleep
for just a little longer...
The little bit was what I missed it by.
I looked at the time
I looked outside
And I just felt so empty.
There was nothing in me.
I was nothing.
I felt awful.
I had missed my prayers
and I had got my sleep.
And this was how it felt.
This was what I had wasted my time for.
I had wasted my own time. And my own prayers.
And I felt so empty.
Prayer is better than sleep
But just how much better you cannot comprehend.
And a stupid, selfish me
Was too stupid to realise I was harming myself
by trying to rest myself.
I just sat there
Wanting to do nothing but pray
And I realise I was being punished.
There is no second chance once you've missed the first.
You've just got to wait and regret and ask to be forgiven,
And pray your overdue prayers.
You've got to think
Constantly remember
Or you will forget.
And you'll be left with nothing.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Life in the 'open prison' of Gaza
By Aleem Maqbool
BBC News, Gaza
This is a tiny strip of land and its life is being drained out of it.
Gazans say even feeding their families is a daily challenge
For years, the spirit of those living here has taken a pounding, not only from the frequent Israeli military attacks but also by fighting between the various Palestinian factions here.
But now the territory's near-complete isolation - brought about by the blockade - may be delivering the final blows to hope.
"It's like being on death row," I am frequently told and almost every Gazan you speak to talks of his land being an "open prison".
That open prison analogy was once made to me by Nael al Kurdi, a softly spoken young man from Sheikh Radwan in Gaza City.
Nael was a student by day and he helped at his brother's falafel stall by night, that is before he was diagnosed with cancer.
The treatment Nael needed was not available in Gaza, so he was sent to doctors in Egypt.
He responded well and his tumour went down in size.
Sealed
But when the Hamas faction seized control of Gaza, Israel's response was to all but seal off the territory.
Nael was trapped inside Gaza and his tumour rapidly started to increase in size again.
Only humanitarian supplies are allowed into Gaza
Weak and bedridden, he told us he had applied several times to the Israeli authorities to be allowed to leave but had been denied each time.
He and his mother had gone to the border crossing anyway, but they had been turned back.
Less than a week after we spoke to him, Nael died. He was 21.
After the funeral, his mother called on God to punish Israel for closing the borders and for Israeli mothers to feel the hurt she felt.
But the defiance soon subsided and she broke down in tears, saying over and over again: "Nael thought he was going to get better."
I went to talk about his case with a spokesman for the Israeli government who pointed out that the border closures were for security reasons.
And when we got on to the subject of seriously ill patients being allowed out of Gaza for treatment, he told me that, while some patients had been let out, it was his view that terminally ill ones posed a potential danger to Israel.
They had nothing to live for, he suggested, so they might blow themselves up and become suicide bombers.
Blockade
The border closures have also hit the import of simple everyday goods. Humanitarian supplies are all Israel allows in.
It had been decided that this blockade, alongside military intervention, was the most effective way of putting pressure on Hamas and the militants who fire rockets across the border on to Israeli towns.
But the Israeli action has devastated business in Gaza.
The Abudan clothing factory was once a thriving family company. But today the factory is still and dusty.
Half-made pairs of jeans lie next to silent sewing machines. Hundreds of school uniforms, packed and ready to be shipped out, sit in boxes in the store room.
The blockade means no material is allowed into Gaza, while the finished clothes are not allowed out.
All of the 250 people who worked there have lost their jobs.
Desperate times
As we were about to leave the building, a slight, solemn-looking man in his 40s poked his head around the door.
Rockets continue to be launched and... working-age men like Samir are accepting Hamas' offer to pick up arms
Samir had been an employee at Abudan. He said he came by every day just to check if, by some chance, the factory was working again and he could have his job back.
He took us to his home: a small, dark construction of breeze-block and corrugated iron.
His wife held the youngest of their five children as she sat on a thin mattress on the floor. Two other toddlers ran around barefoot as we spoke.
He explained how he managed to make a little money by selling bread from a cart he wheeled through the town. It was not enough, he said, to feed his family.
His eyes welled up as he told us he had not been able to pay his rent for four months but that his landlord had taken pity on him.
The only work left
There was an alternative, he said, one which he had refused but which nearly half of his former colleagues had taken up.
It was to join a work-force that was still well paid in spite of the troubles everywhere else: that is, the security forces of Hamas.
The pressure being put on Gaza - not just by Israel but the international community and even the Palestinian government in the West Bank, which is run by the Fatah faction - is seen as a means of weakening Hamas, strengthening the moderates and stopping the rocket fire.
But, in fact, the rockets continue to be launched and mothers like Nael's are calling for revenge while working-age men like Samir are accepting Hamas' offer to pick up arms.
From Our Own Correspondent was broadcast on Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 1130 GMT on BBC Radio 4. Please check the programme schedules for World Service transmission times.
BBC News, Gaza
This is a tiny strip of land and its life is being drained out of it.
Gazans say even feeding their families is a daily challenge
For years, the spirit of those living here has taken a pounding, not only from the frequent Israeli military attacks but also by fighting between the various Palestinian factions here.
But now the territory's near-complete isolation - brought about by the blockade - may be delivering the final blows to hope.
"It's like being on death row," I am frequently told and almost every Gazan you speak to talks of his land being an "open prison".
That open prison analogy was once made to me by Nael al Kurdi, a softly spoken young man from Sheikh Radwan in Gaza City.
Nael was a student by day and he helped at his brother's falafel stall by night, that is before he was diagnosed with cancer.
The treatment Nael needed was not available in Gaza, so he was sent to doctors in Egypt.
He responded well and his tumour went down in size.
Sealed
But when the Hamas faction seized control of Gaza, Israel's response was to all but seal off the territory.
Nael was trapped inside Gaza and his tumour rapidly started to increase in size again.
Only humanitarian supplies are allowed into Gaza
Weak and bedridden, he told us he had applied several times to the Israeli authorities to be allowed to leave but had been denied each time.
He and his mother had gone to the border crossing anyway, but they had been turned back.
Less than a week after we spoke to him, Nael died. He was 21.
After the funeral, his mother called on God to punish Israel for closing the borders and for Israeli mothers to feel the hurt she felt.
But the defiance soon subsided and she broke down in tears, saying over and over again: "Nael thought he was going to get better."
I went to talk about his case with a spokesman for the Israeli government who pointed out that the border closures were for security reasons.
And when we got on to the subject of seriously ill patients being allowed out of Gaza for treatment, he told me that, while some patients had been let out, it was his view that terminally ill ones posed a potential danger to Israel.
They had nothing to live for, he suggested, so they might blow themselves up and become suicide bombers.
Blockade
The border closures have also hit the import of simple everyday goods. Humanitarian supplies are all Israel allows in.
It had been decided that this blockade, alongside military intervention, was the most effective way of putting pressure on Hamas and the militants who fire rockets across the border on to Israeli towns.
But the Israeli action has devastated business in Gaza.
The Abudan clothing factory was once a thriving family company. But today the factory is still and dusty.
Half-made pairs of jeans lie next to silent sewing machines. Hundreds of school uniforms, packed and ready to be shipped out, sit in boxes in the store room.
The blockade means no material is allowed into Gaza, while the finished clothes are not allowed out.
All of the 250 people who worked there have lost their jobs.
Desperate times
As we were about to leave the building, a slight, solemn-looking man in his 40s poked his head around the door.
Rockets continue to be launched and... working-age men like Samir are accepting Hamas' offer to pick up arms
Samir had been an employee at Abudan. He said he came by every day just to check if, by some chance, the factory was working again and he could have his job back.
He took us to his home: a small, dark construction of breeze-block and corrugated iron.
His wife held the youngest of their five children as she sat on a thin mattress on the floor. Two other toddlers ran around barefoot as we spoke.
He explained how he managed to make a little money by selling bread from a cart he wheeled through the town. It was not enough, he said, to feed his family.
His eyes welled up as he told us he had not been able to pay his rent for four months but that his landlord had taken pity on him.
The only work left
There was an alternative, he said, one which he had refused but which nearly half of his former colleagues had taken up.
It was to join a work-force that was still well paid in spite of the troubles everywhere else: that is, the security forces of Hamas.
The pressure being put on Gaza - not just by Israel but the international community and even the Palestinian government in the West Bank, which is run by the Fatah faction - is seen as a means of weakening Hamas, strengthening the moderates and stopping the rocket fire.
But, in fact, the rockets continue to be launched and mothers like Nael's are calling for revenge while working-age men like Samir are accepting Hamas' offer to pick up arms.
From Our Own Correspondent was broadcast on Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 1130 GMT on BBC Radio 4. Please check the programme schedules for World Service transmission times.
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Is Bill a Brother?
HAHA
Thinking back, Malcolm X and MLK's struggle seems as though it happened so long ago, and yet it's only because of the blood, sweat and tears that the brave African American people put into the Civil Rights Movement that what you see in the video above has become an almost tangible reality.
It may have taken 40 odd years, but it's happening.
I hope and pray that Muslim Americans, Muslim Britons, Muslim Europeans and all Muslim citizens of the world can overcome today's injustices and achieve our goal. Which, contrary to what Rupert Murdoch may tell you, my friends, is not world domination or destruction, but peace. Within our selves and with our fellow human beings. Because we are citizens of the world, and as I saw it termed, a 'mere accident of birth' and what the far right would make of it is irrelevant.
We are all human. Why is that so easily forgotten?
Thinking back, Malcolm X and MLK's struggle seems as though it happened so long ago, and yet it's only because of the blood, sweat and tears that the brave African American people put into the Civil Rights Movement that what you see in the video above has become an almost tangible reality.
It may have taken 40 odd years, but it's happening.
I hope and pray that Muslim Americans, Muslim Britons, Muslim Europeans and all Muslim citizens of the world can overcome today's injustices and achieve our goal. Which, contrary to what Rupert Murdoch may tell you, my friends, is not world domination or destruction, but peace. Within our selves and with our fellow human beings. Because we are citizens of the world, and as I saw it termed, a 'mere accident of birth' and what the far right would make of it is irrelevant.
We are all human. Why is that so easily forgotten?
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Every Human Has Rights. You KNOW dat's right.
http://www.everyhumanhasrights.org/
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has turned 60 years old, and to me, it looks like people and governments have been taking advantage of it, assuming that it would be too old and tired to put up a fight.
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights has turned 60 years old, and to me, it looks like people and governments have been taking advantage of it, assuming that it would be too old and tired to put up a fight.
- Read the Universal Declaration of Human Rights
- Sign up for it.
- Act on it, defend it, uphold it.
¡Si se Puede!
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